How to be a Super-Woman to Your Husband
Men are relatively easy to please. I say relatively because there are some exceptions to this rule, but for the most part if you desire to please a man, it’s an attainable feat. Here are ten insights to every man’s heart that will empower you to become a Super-Woman in his sight.
Men like to eat. Whoever said, “The way to a man’s heart is through is stomach” was right. When a man comes home from a long day’s work he enjoys nothing better than a well cooked meal. In fact, Esau was so hungry and weary after a day in the field that he was willing to sell his firstborn birthright to his brother Jacob for a hot bowl of soup! (Genesis 25:29-34) This goes to show that when men aren’t fed well, they can become irrational, irritable and vulnerable to temptation. Feed your man well not just for his sake, but for the peace and comfort of everyone else in your household.
It has been said that if a man had to choose between a great supper and no sex and a bad supper and great sex, he‘d be happy making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Wives, you may be intelligent, charming, godly and have a good sense of humor to boot, but if your husband didn’t find you attractive (may I even say sexy) it’s not likely he would have married you. Your husband sees something in you that makes his engine start and his sirens go off. Don’t withhold yourself from your man or use your sexuality in a way to manipulate or even punish him. Your husband’s greatest vulnerability is his sexuality, so don’t play games here. Give yourself freely to him. “Deprive not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your lack of self-control. “(1 Corinthians 7:5)
Whether it’s driving a golf ball down a fairway or casting a line out into the water, men enjoy recreational activities. The key to a harmonious family life is finding balance. If your husband is not earning his living by playing golf, then he probably doesn’t need to be on the range every Saturday. At the same time, if you encourage your husband to get out and enjoy himself at a game or on the court, he’ll be thankful. If you go one step further and learn to love the sport or recreation of his liking, you’ll not only make your husband happy, you will create a deeper bond between the two of you. Be on his side, root for his team, celebrate the victories, mourn the defeats. “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” (Romans 12:15) You may not see the eternal value in watching grown men tackle one another, but developing godly love for your husband by embracing his interests is worthwhile. “For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)
Every man wants to be a success. Your husband is no exception. The bigger question is how he’s come to define success. Unfortunately many men define success merely by what they accomplish and not by who they are as a person. Part of your role as a wife is to help your husband see the big picture in life, not through the eyes of Fortune magazine or the evening news, but through the eyes of God’s Word, the Bible. “Better is the poor (man) who walks in his integrity than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich.” (Proverbs 28:6) Let your man know when he does a great job, but don’t just highlight what he has done, recognize the character displayed through his actions. “I really appreciated it today when you read stories to the kids, it shows me how much you care for them.” “Thanks so much for taking out the trash again tonight; I appreciate your faithfulness even in the small things.” One compliment to your husband will do much more than a thousand criticisms.
Closely related to a man’s drive for success is his need for significance. Every man is asking the question, “Does my life really matter?” The answer is a resounding “Yes” because we each have been created in the image of Almighty God. (Genesis 1:27) A man’s thirst for significance can only be quenched in knowing and embracing that he is a child of God through Jesus Christ. “Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called the children of God: therefore the world knows us not, because it knew him not.” (1 John 3:1) The enemy of your husband’s soul works tirelessly to distract and distort your man’s focus from his identity and significance in Christ. For this reason, men will chase after every vain pursuit only to hear the words, “You matter. You are important. You are appreciated. You are significant.” If a man never heard these words or sensed this approval from his own father, he can spend his whole life chasing something or someone who will value his identity. Your role as his wife is to remind your husband of his spiritual identity in Christ and acknowledge his importance to you and your family without using flattery or inflating his ego. Take this task on prayerfully.
“And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” (Genesis 2:18) It is no secret, men need help. Men need help in the small things like finding their car keys. Men need help in the large things, like building a business or building God’s kingdom. It has been said that behind every great man is a far greater woman. You have been called by God as your husband’s wife to help him become all that he can be in Christ. Start your support by calling out to God in prayer. “Oh God, make my husband into the man you want him to be! Use his life for the purposes you have in mind for him! Keep him from being distracted or tempted and led astray! Show him your goodness, your favor and your grace. Lead and guide him along the way.” Then as you pray for him, quiet your heart and ask the Lord, “How can I be a support and not a hindrance in seeing my husband achieve the goals You have for him, Lord?” Listen carefully, respond courageously, act decisively.
Most men are rationally minded beings. Two plus two always equals four. Having a level headed, logical thinking man can be a great asset in maintaining a stable home especially in times of uncertainty or danger. At the same time, men often lack the intuitive nature found predominantly in their female counterpart. So when your husband is about to strike a deal at work or on a home project, he might not understand that deep gut feeling you have that something’s not right. If it looks good “on paper” your husband thinks it’s got to be good even when in your heart of hearts, you can smell something foul brewing. Whether your husband recognizes it or not, he needs your intuitive, instinctive, perceptive and discerning insights when making decisions. A man who continuously ignores his wife’s better judgment will pay the price (sometimes literally). Your responsibility is not to nag or tell him, “I told you so” after every mistake, but to clearly vocalize your concerns all the while being gracious, kind and loving. In time, a wise husband will embrace and praise a wife of such noble character. “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” (Proverbs 31:28)
Men can have a hard time understanding the emotional and relational dynamics behind the problems that their wives face. If you come and pour your heart out to your husband telling him about your cares, worries, fears, feelings, insecurities, or troubles he will likely feel overwhelmed. Tell your husband that your car is making a funny noise or something in the house is broken and he’ll start heading for his tool box. Men can be trained over time to be patient listeners and good friends. But this takes work on both your parts. Start by asking your husband to listen to you for one minute without interruption and gradually build up his tolerance level. If you throw a fifteen minute monologue at your husband he will freeze up, walk away or get incredibly annoyed. If you want to be a Super-woman to your husband, make things simple for him. “Honey, I am really struggling. Can you just listen to me for two minutes (keep it brief) while I tell you how I am feeling?” Then explain, “Now I know that you will naturally want to fix my problem and I appreciate that, but just understand that by listening to me you will meet my need.” If your husband interrupts you half way through to give you some advice, don’t take offense. He’s doing what he believes is right – fixing a problem. Be patient and courteous and he will eventually get the message. In the end, make it plain to your husband by spelling out exactly what you need, giving some actionable task, even if it means simply asking just for a hug (and you may want to also explain to him that a hug does not mean you want to have sex!).
Most men I know desire to come home to a peaceful household at the end of a long day. Family life does not always permit such a luxury particularly when young children abide within your dwelling. While you can’t control every environmental aspect of your household, you can do your best to create an environment of peace and serenity. A wife who nags her husband, strives with him and is contentious will drain her man of strength and morale. If you nag your man, he will distance himself emotionally and possibly even physically. Take the words of one wise man as a clue to a man’s heart. “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. “ (Proverbs 25:24) When men spend long hours at work putting up with the stress of a harsh boss or listening to the grievances of a complaining customer, the last thing he wants to do is come home to a battle with his wife. Now don’t get me wrong, a man can be his own worst enemy when it comes to keeping a peaceful household. An angry man can destroy the peace his heart longs to know. You are not accountable for his contribution (for or against) the serenity of your household. You are only accountable for your own role as a wife and mother to do your best to keep peace. “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)
Your husband may not know it, but his greatest needs can’t be met by you. The deepest needs in a man’s heart are only met by the love of his Savior, Jesus. You may be married to a man who loves Jesus and desires to follow him closely or you may be married to an unsaved, unregenerate, spiritually insensitive man. In either case, your role as a godly wife is to model Christ likeness to your husband in word and deed. To the unsaved man, you will become a beacon of light that can influence his decision to embrace Jesus. (1 Peter 3:1-6) To the Christian man, you can become a partaker in God’s work to refine and restore your husband into the image of Christ. In either calling, be sure to know that your role in his life will impact his earthly and eternal existence immeasurably more than you can imagine. So don’t lose heart if your husband is not yet the man you hope him to be, he too is a work in progress. “Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don’t give up.” (Galatians 6:9)
If you’ve been counting, you’ve noticed that this is tip number eleventh. And before you protest, “Hey you only said I needed to know ten things my husband needs from me”, let me explain. The first ten tips were things your husband wants, this last one is something God wants from you. Submission has gotten a bad rap in recent years. The feminist movement has even made Christian woman leery of the term. But remember, submission wasn’t your husband’s idea, it was God’s. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) Again the Word says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18) Submission does not mean subjection to abuse. Submission means respect for another’s authority. Every day you are required to submit yourself in one way or another. When you approach a traffic light or a stop sign you submit to its authority. When you work for an employer, you submit to their authority. When you kneel before the Lord in prayer, you submit to His authority. You may be the sole bread winner in the home, but that doesn’t change the fact that God has called men to lead their families. And if your desire is to please God, you will graciously choose to submit to and respect your husband’s leadership knowing you do so unto the Lord.
As Unto the Lord
At the end of the day, you may find that your husband is happier as you work on following these guidelines, or you may find that he never notices a change. In either case, remember, the devotion and commitment you have to your husband needs to be rooted in your love for God who is your true husband and Lord. “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:23-24) “For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.” (Isaiah 54:5) Amen.
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